There's Something in the Air

It's been a while since my last real post. I'd like to say that all has been well and that I have been busily plugging away at my dissertation and school work; but it has certainly not been a simple time and I have not been as deeply enmeshed in acedemia as I had hoped. I have however been busily plugging away at me. It has not been a pleasant time the past few weeks. I have really struggled. But in the last three or four days I have really come to some serious conclusions, ends that were a long time in the making.

It started as a feeling. It felt like something new was in the air. Yes the days have been getting longer, and warmer. Spring is on the verge of springing. But there is an added realization. A set of them really. I won't bore you all with the details but I think the most important thing that I have begun to realize is that there is nothing wrong with Me.

Sure I have some serious hurts to overcome and this conclusion is no where close to fully realized but in the meantime it is important for me to understand that I have no inherent flaw. I am not fundamentally wrong, bad, immoral, or insensitive. There are certain events that have led me to feel otherwise. They have tried my concept of who I am. They have undermined a good and decent man. And they have reinforced an idea that I am less than ideal.

So today I am reclaiming my goodness. I wrote it a few posts back and tonight I have integrated it a bit more:

I am me.

And that is something awfully special. I thank those that have stuck by me, who have supported me, and who have allowed me to be myself along the way.

Keep the home fires burning,
While your hearts are yearning,
Though the lads are far away,
They dream of home,
There's a silver lining,
Through the dark clouds shining,
Turn the dark clouds inside out,
'Til the boys come home.
-Lyrics by Lena Ford-