Goodbye Rooster Hello Dog

I headed into London today for the Chinese New Year celebrations. I love how multi-cultural this city is and how much they embrace it. It was huge event, parade in the morning, stage with dancing and music and Shao Lin monks all afternoon, some fireworks. It was a good time. Although my companions didn't seem to enjoy it as much I always like the big crowds. That crush of humanity; all of that energy which at least at the group level has positive tinge to it. I really like it. It was one of those days where it felt kind of surreal. We were squeezing our way through Chinatown and there where these lion dancers all over the place going to each shop and doing a little ceremony. It was just really cool to be in the amongst it on the fringe of being a part of it. It was also amazing to see the orderliness of this kind of event outside of the US. There weren't people who were upset, people were being very kind and considerate and helpful to each other. I don't know if this is a British phenomena or if the other thing is an American one. It was just generally a pleasant vibe and a nice way to spend a frigid but bright and sunny day.



Now I am back home and beginning to think of the work that lies ahead of me on several fronts. Probably the most obvious one is my dissertation. I have really gotten myself into a big one. I am really excited about it, but a little nervous. I am little worried about the amount of time I have to do all of it, I have classes for the next two months and then probably two more for data collection maybe a week or two more, and then three months to figure it all out and write it up. I certainly bit off a big chunk of work to do. I am a little nervous about traveling to India and S. Africa as well. Nervous about the contacts that are yet to be made, nervous about traveling and living in two more countries alone with really very little support in place yet, and nervous because I am letting other people get me worried about it all. I know things will get better as the structure of it all comes into place, but it certainly are concerns that I know I will have to address as I move forward. My mental health over the next 6 months certainly is crucial to me pulling it off.

Which brings me to my next major project. I have been struggling a bit the last few nights, its only at night. I have hard time sleeping, felt an ache in my heart for something that feels like it should have been but injured me. It may be that we are on the eve of what once could have been an anniversary, it could be that I have been wondering about where my future will be, or it could just be that I feel so emotionally vulnerable here. As usual my assumption is a combination of all that and more; we are such complex little beings. I guess I need some affection, a little safety, my big brother to come get my back, and my lobster to find me.

I am right here waiting,
doing my best to keep my head above water,
and my dreams in a less lonely future.


The meaning I picked, the one that changed my life:
Overcome fear, behold wonder.
-Aeschylus


I want to overcome, so badly.
There is so much to behold.






(BTW, I pirated those pics fromthe BBC website. If any of you are curious I do that a lot, "borrow" stuff from websites. I am certainly happy to take anything down if the owner wants me too, I am not sure how Kosher it all is)