Courage

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.
-Joseph Addison-

I have been thinking a lot about what is going on for me.
Obviously.
There are days when I am fighting, days when I am crying, days when I am playing, and days when I just am. But no matter what, I feel so utterly confident that I will move past this. And do you know what? I can't tell you why? And I think that is why I am so confused. I can't figure out where my faith comes from. Confusion is a funny thing for me, it doesn't stop me. I keep running and fighting, sometimes deliberately and sometimes like a threatened animal.


It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.
-E.E. Cummings-

I know that this is a struggle for some people, but it has never troubled me. In fact it has caused me trouble, my integrity and sense of self is so important to me. I consistently take body blows in defense of my integrity. I think it is far more important to stand your ground than to give in to difficulty in orde to make things easier. It may be easy but it isn't pain free. This next few weeks I will be in a position several times to stand up and demand a better experience here, for me and my classmates. Things have been a bit rough here at school. None of us are getting what we thought from this program and it is time to make a change.


Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
-Sir Winston Churchill-

Now Churchill was talking about something completely different but I feel like it applies to my current condition. I feel like this year is the end, its the end of the beginning time of my life. I need to make the most of this, but after this it is time to stop screwing around, there is too much I want to do. Too much I can do.

I am confused tonight. So many thoughts pulling me in so many directions. Tomorrow I start on a week and a half of intense work, and I think I am ready, but only time will tell.

Once again, I want a puppy and a hug.