The World Will Be Better for This

Today has been a day more focused on the scary half of leaving. Of being alone, of taking a step over the edge towards an end I have no idea of. My bags are now laid out on my sister's bed, I have some "stuff" set aside to pack. I went and bought some school supplies. All of this continues to raise my anxiety, as well as my excitement, the two which are so inexorably linked that it is often very difficult for me to understand which is which and what is making me feel so intensely.

Brunel has been less than forthcoming with the information that would relieve at least some of the fears I have. They have reassured me that they "will keep me busy." But with what I don't know. Three or four two hour classes a week, at least as much time out of class, it seems to me that leaves an awfull lot of "free" time. I am hopefully going to be able to meet my classmates on that first Wednesday, and hopefully we will be able to do some exploring during all the free time during those first weeks. I will be looking for a job that I can do that is relavent to my studies or contributory to society in some way.

I am looking at a picture of my old friend David, who passed away earlier this summer. His widow stopped by earlier to have dinner with my parents and she brought me his picture. I am wondering what he would say to me right now. What I wouldn't give to be able talk to him right now, and hug him. What I wouldn't give for hugs from several people and one dog right now. It would be an easy way to find my strength. But I guess it's time for me to dig down into my own strength, stand on my own wobbly yet capable legs, and take these first tentative steps forward, who knows who I will find ready to help me in the weeks to come. And who knows who I will find that I am able to help. In the meantime I will continue to have faith that I am capable of bringing about the outcome I desire, and inevitably am the cause of most of my own needless suffering. I will recover from my battles, wins or losses, a stronger man with experiences to bring to the next struggle.



One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.
-Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote-