Perception

I wanted to write more about honor, dignity, maybe the abject loneliness which has so often become a topic of these posts. But, I don't know, it feels played out. It's still true, oh god is it true. The honor thing too. I believe in it, I do my best to act from it.

But tonight is about something else. It's about honesty, I guess. I am having a hard time sleeping. And of course I am perpetuating it by being overly hard on myself for something I apparently have little control over. I have a 2500 word report due Friday that I have only barely begun. Of course I am playing my typical, "I meant to do that," and "I don't really care all that much." But I do care, of course I care. And I meant to start when I was home, but I have a hard time getting motivated for things like this. And of course I feel like a fool for not being able to get myself motivated, but I guess, I guess there is always something to work on, especially in my little brain. So there you go, honor, loneliness, honesty. I'll get started and I'll get it done, and to be honest, I'll pass, I'll probably even do well, but what have I learned? It's an assignment I have done before. It's a circumstance I have overcome before. The question is will I learn to avoid it, and I guess the better question will I learn if I need to avoid it? Ok. Well. My next thing after tomorrow night is to get together my dissertation proposal which I will post some version of when it is final. I actually am interested in and I am excited to get this thing started. So. That's tonight. I am ready to be a team with someone, or some team. I am geared up for an all nighter tomorrow. I am trying not to be too hard on myself, but maybe even that is being to hard on myself, vicious cycles and all.




My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
-Albert Einstein-